POSEIDON center. Stage left, Agamemnon’s tent, men, huddled around a fire, throw dice. Stage right, women lay in dust except HECUBA, who pours ashes upon her head. HECUBA, ODYSSEUS, or EPEIUS cock their heads as if they’ve had an idea whenever POSEIDON or ATHENA speaks one of their names.
POSEIDON
Apollo girded Troy with walls of limestone and I garnished his walls with the seas. My seas were the first to fail after Athena, far cleverer than I, taught the slighted Hellenes to tar their ships. She then guided Odysseus’ mind and Epius’ hand to build Troy a gift that would defeat Apollo’s walls: The Horse that hid the warriors who opened the gates under cover of night. Apollo’s a smart one, but he isn’t around at night. And neither he nor I were born of Zeus’ brain, like Athena.
For ten years the Hellenes besieged Troy and for ten years they were bereft of their lands and wives and children. Too many have Dear Johns in their pockets and even now, as they wait for Zeus’ favourable winds to bring them home again, they exact their rage.
During the day they desecrate Trojan altars with human blood – noble Priam’s blood – and the clouds of smoke that once carried the sweet savour of lambs’ fat to our nostrils are become clouds of flies. During the night they huddle around Prometheus’ gift and throw Tyche’s bones for the women whose slaughtered men lie unburied; all but one, but he won’t live for long.
In the dust, by Scamander’s banks, the women lament their loss; all but one who for her beauty shall be forgiven for all the evils that beauty has wrought. There too Troy’s matriarch, Hecuba, heaps ashes upon her head, her eyes reddened and dried of tears to cry.
Poor Hecuba! The Hellenes sacrificed your daughter, Polyxena, to Achilles, who is no god. Now, they defile the prophetess Cassandra, your daughter and servant of Apollo: she is sold into concubinage and Agamemnon’s bed. Sweet Hecuba, let my oceans be tears for thee.
I would avenge myself upon the Hellenes but there are none left in Troy to worship me.
ATHENA
(Enters from stage right)
Hail, Poseidon! We are ever at odds, but might I have a word?
POSEIDON
Indeed, you try to control me at every turn. Through your civilized men, that is. The ones you inspire with technology. What do you want?
ATHENA
I bring news that affects us both.
POSEIDON
News from whom? Zeus, who refused Troy’s pleas to judge the Hellenes? Or perhaps that infernal Hera who corrupts his judgment?
ATHENA
From neither. I come on behalf of Troy.
POSEIDON
How dare you! My city lies destroyed by your hand. You and that stupid horse!
ATHENA
Think, Poseidon! Let go of your rage. I want to help you help Troy. Do you want my help, or not?
POSEIDON
I suppose I do. Planning isn’t really my strong suit. But speak plainly; you often riddle as a sphinx. Do you plan on helping Troy? Or Helles?
ATHENA
I shall turn the tables on the Hellenes. Trust me, your precious Trojans will benefit.
POSEIDON
But I am the god of chaos! You can’t just change sides all willy-nilly; that’s what I do!
ATHENA
I sure as hell can, now that the Hellenes have desecrated my prophetess.
POSEIDON
Kassandra is Apollo’s bride, not yours.
ATHENA
Apollo’s my brother. That makes Kassandra my sister, and yours.
POSEIDON
But you taught Odysseus how to enter Troy unobserved! You guided Epeius’ hand in crafting that damnable horse.
ATHENA
That was before they desecrated our temples with Priam’s blood – human blood – and pledged our sister, Kassandra, to Agamemnon, a mere mortal. They sacrificed Polyxenia to Achilles, another mortal. The Hellenes heap one blasphemy upon another! Their impiety must not go unpunished.
POSEIDON
Good point. Alright, I’ll work with you. Explain your plan.
ATHENA
I will impose upon them a return that is no return.
POSEIDON
What the fuck does that mean? In laygod’s terms, please.
ATHENA
It means Zeus is pissed enough to lend me his aegis…
POSEIDON
What’s an “aegis”?
ATHENA
Lightning bolts. He lent me his lightning bolts.
POSEIDON
Ah. Like my trident, or Cronus’ scythe. I can’t wait for the humans to develop telescopes so they can see his scythe immortalized around the planet they will will one day name “Saturn”…
ATHENA
Pay attention.
POSEIDON
(Addresses THE AUDIENCE)
…Those rings were my idea.
ATHENA
Once the black ships are in view of Achaean shores, and the hopes of the Hellenes on ship and land are waxed full as a harvest moon, Zeus will pummel them from above with storms and hail as you rage from below with seas and earthquakes. Meanwhile, I will set their ships ablaze with lightning. We shall fill the sea with their corpses so that men everywhere will remember to…
ATHENA
(Addresses THE AUDIENCE)
…never fuck with our stuff!
POSEIDON
Excellent plan! I will shake the earth and seas so that their bodies are strewn from Mykonos Beach to the Cliffs of Kaphareus?
ATHENA
(Nods)
POSEIDON
Get our father’s bolts and send him my regards. May he bait the Hellenes with a favourable wind, indeed!
POSEIDON & ATHENA
(Address THE AUDIENCE)
For we must ever remind this wretched race of men that those who sack cities, spoil the tombs of men, and desecrate the temples of their gods are rewarded with desolation in the end. ALWAYS!
(At “Always!”, Poseidon slams the stage with the butt of his trident and all lights go out)
CURTAIN
Download a free PDF of Coleridge’s translation of Euripides’ Trojan Women from Kosmos Society.
Leave a Reply